My stomach is turning into not’s. Tonight I thought I would be honest with someone. This secret has been burning a hole in my heart. So I told them, told them the truth even though they took it not believing it. It’s a love hate relationship. Not much of a relationship to tell you the truth. It’s funny how things fall down so quickly. One minute you think your in heaven the next, your crutch is telling you they want out. That’s what I did. I wanted out so badly. I thought about that a lot in July.



There are things that you want when you’re young. Sometimes you find people who bring you back to that. Or make you have those old ambitions again. Now I wish I had just kept my mouth shut about it, it would probably have been better if I didn’t say it tonight. I should have done that, but what was said was said. And now it’s done can’t dwell on the past anymore. But then again at the same time, I often feel sorry for them.. Or feel sorry about them. I would try to patch them up so that they wouldn’t be so down anymore. But that would mean coming into contact more. And we both don’t want that. My apology was genuine though. Nothing more nothing less. But enough about that. That memory is gone now, time to throw it in the box and lock it up tight. To never be spoken of again, that is where is should have been to begin with. Or maybe we’ll let this whole thing blow over go on for years and years four tops maybe, longer and then I’ll come back to see how things are. Maybe I doubt it, but wouldn’t want them to hold their breath.

Summer is finally reaching its end. With it's ending comes the new beginning of something. Not only for me but for other people as well. But the things that I'll miss most is; laying awake outside on the concrete, listening to the sweet melodies of the crickets as the fireflies dance about my face, and the aroma of the wild flowers. And the summer rain, which are my favorite. Dancing in the yard, bare foot and carefree. Not worrying about my surroundings or if anyone was watching. But I doubt anyone was, but I'm pretty sure the cat's thought I was loosing every bit of sanity I had left.

I keep thinking of ways to start out the new school year, how it will go and what will happen. I keep getting even more excited about it, often I find myself being not able to sleep at nights. Going outside in the dark, laying in my usual spot under the willow tree in the back yard writing away in my journal. And hopping all my worries are written away, and soon forgotten. My mother said it's the curse of being free spirited. But I have to wonder what that has to do with anything? Then she quickly reassures me that I'll find out when I'm older or at a later time. Sometimes I wish this lady would make up her mind, I don't want to know later, I want to know now. I want to devour any knowledge I could possibly get my hands on.

I'm going to concur the world, or at least I could try. As of right now this head-splitting, body-shaking headache is what is concurring me at the moment. So for now, I think I'll stop here at this pointless entry, watch a few sad love movies, and listen to more old folk songs as I drift off into sleeping land.