I came across this and it made me smile... It's rather long and just to think I even deleted about half of it. If you have known me for a long time now you probably know who these words are from. Never the less it reminded me of my old self the one self that I am so ready to get back to. When something horrible happends, and you lose yourself. It's always good to have something to remind you, to come back to...

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She is one of artsy girls with a piercing or two, dyed hair, not to mention completely amazing in every other aspect imaginable. She has a magic in her eyes that will never fade and an aura that can be felt even when she is miles away from you. You can get lost in her eyes as I constantly do. I look up at her, realize how truly amazing she is, and can never put into words how much I love her.

It's strange how a lone wolf will depend on someone. I have been spoiled by her love and need a constant fix of it or I will go insane. In my deepest of slums, she pulls me out. Whether it is her support, of the mere sight of her that pulls me out. The thought of her will make you smile, a content smile. The kind that if thought upon it long enough, it will make your eyes water. She will warm you up on the coldest nights, or the coldest of moments. Her embrace means everything to me. Anyone else, it would be meaningless, but to know that I have her beside me, to know that I have someone who will always be there for me, to know that no matter how lost I get, how low I feel, how strung out I might become, that I will always have somewhere to go, is a good feeling. It is more than a good feeling, it is in a category of it's own. It is a Divine feeling. It is the most comfort that anyone could ever feel.

She is full of compassion and rainbows. I've chased this rainbow around for the last eight months, and I found something more valuable than a pot of gold. Not everything that can be counted, counts, but the things and people that count, cannot be counted. This girl has opened me up. She has broken down my walls and exposed a side of me that I have locked away, in fear of being crushed. She has developed my compassion. She has showed me that it is alright to rely on someone. She has also inadvertently taught me to stand up for the things that mean the most to me. I have never been a person to become irritated if someone makes a comment to me about my loved ones, but she has taught me otherwise.

I asked my father to explain to me the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus. He looked at me with a puzzled look. I told him that it is impossible to express something you can't understand. Before this girl, I did not understand that little thing called love, now I have a greater appreciation for life, and I have learned to love.

She has sparked a curiosity in me about life. The little things. She has made me look forward to something I have been dreading...growing up. But I know that when I grow up, I will have her right there beside me. I know that she will always be here for me when I need support, as I will be here for her. This girl has a knack for creativity. She creates her own jewelry, and has a style that she can call her own, and I can call her my own. The box above this reads "Post a Comment About Natasha", I don't think I will ever be able to finish.

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I've almost forgotten who I was before the accident. Medication has a way of blurring your sight. I have forgotten who I was, who I loved, and where I was going. And that's scary. I went from being a strong willed person, knowing what I wanted and where I was going in life. To being some odd ball too shy, too thursty. But afraid to live, afraid to do anything for the fear of hurting. I was clouded by this image of this girl -too afraid and always guessing herself. This is not me, and I refuse to be that girl any longer. I refuse to dull the pain and make myself go into a deep sleep...to go away. I went from being so full of life to being boring, a shell of my former self. It makes me sad.

My stomach is turning into not’s. Tonight I thought I would be honest with someone. This secret has been burning a hole in my heart. So I told them, told them the truth even though they took it not believing it. It’s a love hate relationship. Not much of a relationship to tell you the truth. It’s funny how things fall down so quickly. One minute you think your in heaven the next, your crutch is telling you they want out. That’s what I did. I wanted out so badly. I thought about that a lot in July.



There are things that you want when you’re young. Sometimes you find people who bring you back to that. Or make you have those old ambitions again. Now I wish I had just kept my mouth shut about it, it would probably have been better if I didn’t say it tonight. I should have done that, but what was said was said. And now it’s done can’t dwell on the past anymore. But then again at the same time, I often feel sorry for them.. Or feel sorry about them. I would try to patch them up so that they wouldn’t be so down anymore. But that would mean coming into contact more. And we both don’t want that. My apology was genuine though. Nothing more nothing less. But enough about that. That memory is gone now, time to throw it in the box and lock it up tight. To never be spoken of again, that is where is should have been to begin with. Or maybe we’ll let this whole thing blow over go on for years and years four tops maybe, longer and then I’ll come back to see how things are. Maybe I doubt it, but wouldn’t want them to hold their breath.

Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn't something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside you. So all you can do is give in to it, step by step. There's no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That's the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine.....

Life seems to push you in different directions, it's like an emotional roller coaster. One minute every things seems fine, then life throws you right back on for another rough ride. The cars jump on the railing, your hands grip the safty bar that holds you in. It's all so scary yet, it's going well at the same time. It's times like these that makes me wonder how people tick, what keeps them going. But it's the mystery that surrounds people that keeps everyone seconed guessing everything....

It's called L I F E it's only simple if you make it simple, it's only hard if you make it hard. Someone once said to me "I have the world at my finger tips, but the world seems too slippery to grasp onto." I think people have to be a little more open, and not be so blind. You have just to believe in in yourself.