It's been really hard for me to really cope with things, my mother hasn't been in the ground for 24 hours yet and people are already at me wanting things. Well I'm just not ready to give you things, I'm not ready to let go yet.

I'm in a big house with lots of things, the dog I gave my mother: Jonas, and yet I still feel so alone. I try my best to remember her face 3 hours before everything happened, but it's hard to scratch out the memory of her last few hours with me.. Me crying, screaming at 911 to hurry, her ... not responding. And just few minutes before we were talking about Grahams socks that we got him that were thick enough to keep his little feet warm this winter, and how excited I was.

We at 9 o'clock we were watching Americas got talent and these three children were seeing God bless America because that what they sung to their mother while she was in a comma..We both cried, I was sitting on the recliner and I was going to move to sit with her on the couch but I didn't move... I wish I had sat by her and hugged her.

I know I can't beat myself up never this, but I didn't tell my mother I loved her that day, I didn't get a chance to say good night either. She was gone before I could ever get a word out, and it hurts so much. When they told me that she was gone, all I could do was scream no into my cousin chest.

This is so unfair.

Never in my life did I think that I would be 19, pregnant, and burring my mother.

I lost my father to a massive heart attack a year ago, now I have lost my mother to the same thing, and that scares me. All the warning signs were right there in front of us, but mom was too stubborn to go to the doctor, and then when she finally gave in she felt "better" and didn't want to go. I wish I had just stomped my foot at her and shoved her in the car and took her the day before.

I lost my best friend, my mother, my everything, at 2 o'clock AM Thursday morning...