Will Tell You Everything

I grow sick of people sometimes.

2009-12-19T03:06:48Z

I consider my blog private only a select few are able to read it, so if you are reading this one consider yourself lucky. A lot of things weigh heavily on my heart, and I'm just going to let it all out, I have had my feelings hurt and offended. And frankly I am sick of people using me for my thoughts, emotions, and feelings.

I'm sick of people using me, period. I care too much about people, little ones specifically. I don't care how much I hated a person in the past, when they come to me asking for my help specially if they are pregnant or think they are pregnant I'm going to try me best to help. I've been there I have been in that situation, and I know how tough it is. After my mom died I had very little help, but I am so thankful for the little handful of people that went out of their way to help get everything ready for my child.

This last month I have had two people use me, emotionally, for material objects, and so on. I'm tired of wasting my time and energy on people who pretty much don't deserve it. I don't care how much I will get in trouble for this blog because if you know me personally you know very well who the people I am talking about are. But for sakes reason any name with a * have been changed.

Lets start off with *Jakie, I have known her since middle school. Went to high school with her and senior year she decided to fabricate something so important. She was expecting by May, she didn't know what to do, afraid her mom would kick her out, she would have to drop out of school wouldn't have anywhere to go. And like the nice person I am told my mom about it, and her and I both opened up our heart, our home, and everything for this girl. Only to be used in the end, the whole thing was a complete lie, come January nothing change about her physical appearance, and that's when mom and I said the jig was up, and called BS on her.

We felt used we had given this girl a place to stay, food, and everything else we could do at the time. Told her she needed to just leave. So I ended all contact with her completely, three years went by haven't talked to her at all. And then word got out that I was expecting, and in May/June of this summer I get a random call and it's *Jakie. Asking me about my pregnancy, If I had been sick and if so what did I do to calm it, blah blah blah. Now if you know me I mean really know me I am a strong believer in "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me", but for some unknown Godly reason I fell for it again, but still had the last episode in the back of my mind.

Pushed it aside and helped her this time again, I gave her cloths, things that I should have kept and needed I gave to her. I basically wasted time, energy, and gas on this girl yet again. Only to be fooled once more. Not long after I had Graham she called wanting to know the price of pictures, and we got to talking about her baby. She said what I think is the most selfish, disgusting thing I have EVER heard someone say in my entire life.

That she was going to abort the baby (which supposedly was due is a short matter of weeks going by all the things that she said), because she didn't see the need of keeping this baby because it wasn't the boys child who she was getting married to. So she decided to nip it in the bud at 8 1/2 months. I hung up on her at this point. Later she messaged me saying oh you need to leave me alone blah blah blah, saying how messed up I was for hanging up on her. She couldn't believe I didn't believe her. And all this other nonsense. I replied back to her, that if she didn't want my two scents she should have not came to me asking for help, me try to help her get things for her baby, and basically get involved with the whole situation, only for her to turn around and be so selfish and so cruel as to abort the unborn child that was in her womb, because she felt the need not to keep it because it just so happened the the boy she was marring wasn't the father. Now how messed up is that?

----

Now there has been speculation that miss *Sarah is pregnant, and she has come to me several different times about oh how she thinks she is pregnant asking for my help and what would I do. I even offered to give the girl a place to stay because only God knows what would happen if *Greg found out she was pregnant. He has said several times in his drunken slues that he would most likely beat the living shit out of her if she were to ever get pregnant and that someone with her genes shouldn't even be reproducing. So the next time I saw her, I pulled her away from everyone and I asked her if she found out the news, and she quickly says no and the whole thing was dropped. Nothing else was said. Then the other day *Clay said that she was pregnant, and that she is 3 months along. I asked him how he found out, and he said because *Tessa told him. So I asked *Tessa about it, that I was not trying to fish for anything negative that I wanted to help if she was, because she has talked to me about it, and I was worried about her and the babies safety. And not to say anything to anyone else. Well she replied back to me oh she not you're just being silly blah blah blah. So I dropped it, didn't say anything else about it. Then yesterday *Clay calls me chewing me out saying how dare you blah blah its none of your business, you weren't supposed to know demanding to know who else I told blah blah. Because *Sarah called him flipping out about it because I knew and I asked *Tessa about it. I was kind of baffled by what he was saying. If I wasn't supposed to know why did she come to me in the first place asking for help? And anyway if she didn't anyone to know she should have kept her mouth shut and not have told him or *Tessa about it, and HE shouldn't have opened HIS mouth and told me if apparently I was not to have a clue that she was. And it wasn't any of his business either so he really shouldn't be scolding me like he did. I also felt betrayed by *Tessa because I had asked her not to to say anything about our conversation. She unfortunately said something about it anyway. After all I felt really offended and hurt because they were one of the first few people that Jeff and I told that we were expecting. I felt a little betrayed in a way, that she obviously didn't have that much respect for me to tell me, after all she did talk to me about it, and I offered her comfort, a place to stay, and that I would try my best to help her if I could.

Now I know this whole thing probably sounds silly. But this really means a lot to me, you don't joke about pregnancy or babies. You shouldn't go to someone pleading for their help to only turn around and basically make them feel like an idiot for devoting their time, effort, and emotions on you.

For both girls -- You came to me for help, support, I let you come into my home, I fed you food that should have been used for my family, and gave you a warm place to sleep for absolutely NOTHING!

I couldn't have said it any better.

2009-12-05T06:21:08Z

Name: natasha
Date: 12/5/2009
Colorgenics Number: 61234075
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Enough is enough - and you feel that you've had enough for a while. You don't need any more battles. You just would like to be able to shout 'stop' and experience a little peace and calm - even if it be only for a little while. This doesn't mean that you need to cut yourself off from the rest of the world - it just means that you are seeking some respite, some physical or emotional relaxation that could release some of the the tension and possibly reduce the internal conflict.

You are a leader and possibly at this tine in a position of authority, but you are experiencing problems. You are not quite sure how to handle the present situation.

You need a friend - a close friend - and you are willing to become emotionally involved with the right person, but you are very demanding and particular in your choice of partners. You are constantly looking for reassurance and it is perhaps because of this that you tend to be somewhat argumentative, but you try to hold back - careful to avoid open conflict - since this might reduce your prospects of realizing your hopes of establishing a warm caring relationship.

You are an emotional, sincere and impressionable individual experiencing frustration and unnecessary stress. You are carried away by other people's enthusiasm and looking for that idealized relationship, be it in a business or personal situation, which you are able to share with a mutual depth of understanding. You have lowered your defenses in the past and you have been hurt, so you are now extremely wary of being exploited. You are still ready to trust people on the condition that they are prepared to offer you proof of their sincerity.

You wish to safeguard yourself against criticism or conflict and to embed yourself in a protected situation. You are a difficult person to relate to and very difficult to please.

photo dump!

2009-12-03T04:17:41Z

my obgyn :] guess who she looks like...

most recent

Ugh!

2009-11-11T08:21:57Z

Ugh I feel so drained. Graham is teething like crazy, and I'm trying to make things on a regular basis. But every time I get new supplies I feel like I never have enough or I don't have the right things, etc. It's a push pull kind of deal, I always come up with ideas as I'm buying the supplied and then when they finally arrive in the mail I get stumped. :(

New earrings I've added:

But I have made several nice pieces, I've even added fabric covered button bobby pins to the collection.

I've given it really good thought to changing the name of my company from 'City Noise Vintage' to the 'Old Owl' just because a lot of my pieces include owls, and even though i work with vintage findings etc. my pieces aren't necessarily 'vintage', they are more vintage inspired than anything. Anyway I'm trying to get everything up and running and looking more "professional".

Logo:

Essentially the owl won't be so young looking, this is just a rough draft, but I'm sure you get the idea of this. I'm trying to come up with a quirky tag line for my jewelry but I seem to be drawing a blank, any suggestions?

Graham ham's it up.

2009-11-11T07:37:45Z

008,
originally uploaded by City Noise.

It's funny to think how much he changes on a regular day to day basis

pathofmeaning @ 2009-10-28T00:24:00

2009-10-28T04:25:02Z

pathofmeaning @ 2009-10-19T00:57:00

2009-10-19T05:00:09Z

Make make make blah blah blah & baby

2009-10-15T07:56:50Z

I've been up since 12 making more jewelry to put in my shop, so far i have another long necklace which is already up:

And I just got done making some genuine swarovski crystal dangle earrings that in a baby girl pink color which I will add later, I'm also making another pair but in blue. AAANND some cute little heart dangle earrings as well. I know last year I went pretty swarovski crystal crazy and have a lot of it left over, which I'm going to use and I'll probably go crystal crazy again because I found a site that shows you how to make little beaded creatures and strawberries etc to add to your jewelry so I'm going to try that out and see how that goes.

Instead of feeling unproductive with my time while baby is sleeping(and I just can't seem to put myself down for a nap either) I figured it would be a good idea to start up jewelry making again and plus I want my own EARNED money, I hate going to Jeff for it (but I have to anyway because I have to have money to buy supplies && I have spent over $200 OUCH!) So I'm putting in old supplied I have with the new ones and I'm making some pretty nice things. I mean I would wear it even if I wasn't going to sell it. I think I have some neat ideas that people would wear or like. But even if this shop fails too at least I have some nice costume jewelry to wear. And I can always sell it around here or give them as gifts. Handmade/homemade gifts are better anyways.

Sorry for my lack of updating, commenting and just being around period. It seems like if one things goes wrong, everything goes wrong. And I'm still kind of struggling to manage/juggle my times with Graham. Feed,cloth, and give him a bath making sure he feels safe, secure, and comfortable. I barely have time to take a shower myself. Even when we co-bathe I still forget all about it. Which is better I could be one of those girls who just didn't care about their baby and go on like he's just something that I feed and go on (and trust me I know some people like that sadly enough). :(

ANYWAY my little hoot owl has been babbling for the last few days, he's been very active when he is awake. Which is a draw back for me (or us jeff included too...) because don't have very many baby toys at all. We have two baby swings and a little sitting mat. I went out what was it saaaterday (yes drawing out that a for a reason!) or suuuunday OOOOORRR maybe it was Monday? I don't know which ever day it was I spent a good portion of my allowance (HA I'm 20 years old and I have an allowance thankyoujeff). Anyway the play mat that I got was a whooping $70 dollars! Geez I never thought something like that would be SUPER expensive, for a rainbow mat some toys and music. I got him the 'Baby Eisenstein' -Baby Neptune play gym with a detachable crib toy:

That's probably a good reason WHY is cost so much money. The whole detachable crib toy, but the one I bought didn't have as nearly as many toys as the one on the website I think it's missing like one or two toys (I know mine didn't have the plush fish with it). But either way Graham IS starting to enjoy it, today (or since its 4 in the AM more like yesterday) he was swatting at the octopus raddle and kicking his legs wildly and babbling.

Alright I am off to bed now, I have to take Graham to the doctor tomorrow. It's his one month check up, and he's been really **TMI** constipated, I also think he might have a cold he's been coughing and sneezing for last few days now and he's fussy at night right before bed/falls asleep for the night. So going to find out what I can do about both of those.

Etsy Goods

2009-10-14T23:16:19Z

Etsy
Buy Handmade
citynoisevintage

i'm baaaaaaaaaack ;)

photos photos photos

2009-10-10T08:56:41Z

"By the time you get done taking pictures you wont have enough hard drive left when he's four"

if that is not a Jeff face I do not know what is..

.

hahaha :]

2009-09-26T20:37:28Z

Graham loses it!

2009-09-23T04:11:34Z

ooh yes I started my very own youtube, when graham gets older he will be very embarrassed. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gz-TtevOsxY

little fatty!

2009-09-23T01:09:16Z

last week graham was 7 lbs 7oz this week he is 8l bs 14 oz and hes only three weeks old.

pathofmeaning @ 2009-09-18T21:12:00

2009-09-19T01:12:23Z

pathofmeaning @ 2009-09-12T18:26:00

2009-09-12T22:27:17Z

So I was surfing through the breastfeeding and found a cookie recipe to help increase milk supply. I was telling Jeff about it and he was like a cookie will help you lactate?? Yes a cookie recipe. That means haaaannnndddsss off, which will kill him he loves when my cooking and when I make home made cookies. So haha these are for me and your son not for youuu! :3

I've been freezing my milk and I didn't really want to break into it, but I did this after noon I found one that only had 4 OZ in it that way I could thaw it out, and give it to GM when he wakes up. Since I have about 12 bags (now 11) frozen I'm going to stop freezing for now until my milk supply goes back up, and just start storing milk in the fridge. The last few days I haven't been giving him breast milk, I've been giving him formula which is bad because he is getting constipated and he has only pooped twice one last night and one this morning. When usually he goes through the diapers. I've been giving him formula on trips and at bed time because it keeps him full longer. I'm sure the breast feeding mommies think 'i'm being selfish' and not giving my son his breast milk. But I don't want to pull out my breast in public, and I would rather him be full at night then him crying his head off because he is so hungry (and I'm not making enough milk right now).

I also need to eat more, but right now we are low on health snacks. With Jeff working day and night, and me with the baby it's hard for me to find time to cook myself food let alone take a shower. I'm lucky to get online and make journal entries. But he's sitting right next to me, and I can put the laptop down at anytime and tend to his needs.

Really?

2009-09-11T20:14:48Z

My sister is (finally) taking me to probate court over my mothers will... now all hell is going to break loose.

My lawer called me this morning, apparently Denise has a fancy lawer on her side.

Time to get things rolling... funny that she does this RIGHT after I allow her to see Graham.

It's like a huge 'f- you' slap in the face.

In other news Graham hasn't pooped all day, and now is mad at me.

Haha funny that now my life revolvs around breat milk, diapers, and wipes.

And talking about my sons poop.

More detailed of a birth story.

2009-09-07T02:14:08Z

Graham Mikyah Webber was born September 1, 2009 at 2:15 pm. I was in labor for three days! My contractions started at 4 o'clock Sunday after noon and they didn't let up, but they were never really intense. But they were about four minutes apart, so I went to bed, got up in the morning and they were still going, along with other not so nice stuff that goes along with labor. So I called my doctor and she said to come in. It took forever to get to the hospital, Jeff was at school in Oak Ridge so him taking me was out of the question. I called my cousin Aaren and she came and got me, mean while my contractions started to get stronger and more on top of each other. She had to make a quick stop at the gas station, well her car breaks down! So we were freaking out trying to call everyone and finally Aaren's mom came and got me and took me on. It was a rough ride to my doctor. I was in tears my contractions never let up it was one right after the other, and they were on top of each other too! As soon as one started the next one built on top of that and I had back labor, which is the worst labor you could ever have (as people have told me). Anyway got to my doctors office and she checked me out and admitted me into the hospital, she said if nothing happens tonight then she will break my water in the morning and we'll have a baby. I got into my room at 4, I sat there for two hours with back labor and I had enough of it, I asked for the epidural. It was not as bad as I thought it would be, he did hit a nerve because I have scoliosis, and I lost complete feeling and control over my entire left leg. Which sucked a lot I could hardly move and the nurses kept trying to roll me onto my sides to help Graham descend more into my pelvis. As soon has Jeff walked into the room and sat down my water broke at 8:30 pm. The only down side to this was my contractions never thinned out my cervix at all. So Tuesday morning at 7:30 am they started me on pitocin (which is to help move a long labor). And that did the trick at 2:00 I started to feel a lot of pressure, but did not think much of it and I fell asleep, and then my doctor came in checked me and he was crowning. So they got me ready and set up everything. It was so funny Jeff was on my left side holding my leg (and having difficulty with it I had no feeling or control over it at all) and when everything got started he got a little woozy and had my cousin hold my leg for me. He sat on the couch in the room but still watched his son be born and he cut the cord. It took four pushes and Graham was out, I was surprised the third push the nurses were making cracks about how modest I was and it made me laugh so in the middle of my third push I was trying not to laugh. So I'm snickering and trying to push at the same time. So at 2:15 Graham made his way into the world perfect, beautiful, and healthy.

Meeting him for the first time I was in awe, being a mom has been the BEST thing has that ever happened to me this year. It's still unbelievable that I created this little human, I took care of him nurtured him for nine months inside my womb and he was finally out in the world. He is so beautiful and so calm and just so amazing. Every little cry, or little whimper I'm there in a heart beat. Jeff says I need to calm down that I hover too much and that he's okay. I often do this even when Jeff is holding him. I can't stand to be too far from him. It's my motherly instincts kicking in. Jeff has really stepped up he is really loving something I didn't expect at all. I guess Graham was something that he really needed after all. Sometimes I still can't believe how this little person was inside of me for so long. I know for a fact my mom would be so proud of me and Graham. I can faintly hear her voice in the back of my head of how she would respond to him. I'm excited and nervous but in a good way. I can't wait to see what kind of personality he will have and who he will look like more as he gets older. He's a good mixture of Jeff and I both. He has really dark blue eyes, they will probably change when he gets a little bit older. Jeff has brownish green eyes. But who knows he may just stay with these odd colored blue eyes. Really they are an odd color, they are different shades of dark blue and you can see all the different shades.

He is here!

2009-09-05T22:27:22Z

Graham Mikyah Webber
September 1, 2009 at 2:15 pm
7 lbs 3 oz 20.5 inches

New Moon?

2009-08-27T23:27:05Z

I still don't know how I feel about the up coming movie, and now Dakota Fanning is playing Jane from the Volturi Coven. I never really liked Dakota Fanning as an actress but maybe she'll be decent in this move? Who knows. I was sadly disappointed in Twilight move, I still think she could have chosen better actors for the film. Robert Pattinson is in NO way shape or form drop 'dead gorgeous' and makes Edward look like a wimp.

I still wonder how they are going to play up Breaking Dawn, there are young girls that read these books so it just makes me wonder how they are going to go about making the movie and it still be PG-13.

pathofmeaning @ 2009-08-25T21:46:00

2009-08-26T01:47:22Z

Lord I had to delete my entry in pregnant, a lot of those girls started to attack me. WTF?

random.

2009-08-14T11:54:55Z

I was 17.

its so funny to look at old pictures of myself, I feel like I change all the time.
I never look the same.
I'm 20 now and it's weird that the last year of my 'teen years' I have spent in hospitals and doctor offices, I didn't really get to enjoy it much.
I feel old.

pathofmeaning @ 2009-08-10T00:56:00

2009-08-10T04:57:31Z

sometimes he really knows how to get himself into trouble with me...

not a very happy camper.

My laptop has crapped out again.

2009-08-06T02:32:14Z

I don't know what's wrong with it but it's dead again, i tired to fix it but it just seemed to make it worse, so until I get the internet installed on my desk top I won't be able to update for a while. I'm using Jeffs laptop right now :[ pooot!

Winter Coat.

2009-08-05T21:17:32Z

I really like this double breasted coat, I'm thinking about ordering it when the price goes down or they have a bigger size. I'm putting back some money into my savings to try to save up money for new cloths, for one I don't know how my body will act after baby, I'm not 100& sure my body will go back to it's small pre-pregnancy size. And two most of my cloths have found their way into little miss Marie's wardrobe when she moved out of the old house in Ten Mile. Wonder how that happened..

I almost forgot about this

2009-08-05T19:09:36Z

Lets see how many times can you spot me?

Big brown fluffy coat taking pictures, yeah that's me.